i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
