Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
