eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
