conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I need a burrito and a hug.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
