some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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