question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
