The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
