shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
