i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
