the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
