it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
