You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
