I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
