just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
