that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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