): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
