yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
