did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This baby is an asshole
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
