textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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