I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
