i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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