Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was CRYING into my vagina
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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