i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
