How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we're so committed to being not committed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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