oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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