it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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