I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
