were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
