fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This baby is an asshole
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
