ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
