believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
