he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
