i jhust puked up my retainher.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
