i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
