i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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