i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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