So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
