We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Shame - the story of my life.
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