I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
