I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is the high leading the old right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
