my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Your dad touched me again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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