The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everclear isn't food dammit
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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