hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
