i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
