I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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