there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
