I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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