I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
