you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
