My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
