she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
