WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
