Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
